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Tough Love for Out of Control Teen
Posted December 8, 2005
Annette is having trouble getting through to her teenage son who is trying to run the household, his way. The son uses CPS as a club with which to beat his mother with, when he's out of line...
My name is Annette B., I am a hardworking single parent. I have been engaged to my fiance for about two years now, we still plan to marry in the near future.
Help for Parents of Troubled Teens
I have a 15 year old son who uses CPS when he does not want to comply with the rules. This all started in October 2001, when my son was disruptive in his sixth grade class and refused to follow the rules in our home. I proceeded to spank him (he was 10 at that time) and left it as that.
Then two days later, I received a call from a CPS worker, at my place of employment stating I had to meet with him. His name was Mr. Martinez, He goes to tell me that I should no longer spank my child. Basically, telling me and my boyfiend at the time that I am not a decent parent and degraded me as if I had beat him with a whip. I was furious I fought the determination of his findings and it was noted on my son's file.
I went on with my life at that point. In October 2002, I was at my mothers home using the internet looking for apartment. My son needed a hair cut, my boyfriend (fiance) asked my son to get a natural pick to comb out his hair. My son refused and he flicked him on his ear. Then proceded to cut his hair and my fiance and I went home.
Alternatives For Troubled Teens
My meddling mother and sister, typed a letter and sent it CPS requestiong that neither he or I be allowed to have contact with my son. My sister even called CPS stating that my fiance beat him and was punching him when he was cutting his hair.
I was no more that 5 feet from the "alleged" beating and I did not see the beating that my sister called CPS about. My son created the "alleged beating" for the CPS worker (Vernon Greene - a new one) who interviewed my son and my sister and mother. He later met with my son for a second time without my mother and sister being present. He found inconsistantcies in the stories from my mother and sister and son. When he finally contacted both of us, he stated the my sons story was a made up lie.
My son wanted to live out of state with my older sister and her husband. So, I sent him. He returned to me in June of this year. I was living in a studio apartment with my fiance, so he stayed with my mother until September of this year. We then moved into a three bedroom apartment with my son, my fiance and his nephew who is the same age as my son. I enrolled him in school, where he would lie about his homework not to do it. He refused to take a bath or comply with the house rules.
I had to meet with his teachers to find out why he won't do his work in class. So I started to keep up with his work and ask him questions about what needed to be done and his progress. He would say that he does not have to answer to me. He went this past weekend to visit my mother and sister again. He came home on Sunday, refused to eat or to hold a conversation, then went into his room. A few hours later he decided to come into my room crying stating that his stomach hurt. I asked him if he ate or is it something else? I called my mother who proceeded to argue about my son eating habits and lack of conversation, which snowballed into a argument. I'm now estranged from my mother and family.
I told my son to leave my room so I could cool off. Later that evening, I went to check on him and he was gone. He had run away to my mothers house. At this time, I called my fiance to tell him that he had just ran away. I called my mothers house, my sister answered the phone. I asked for my son, she said she was not returning him to me.
We went to the school on monday and talked to the principal and his counselor and explained the situation about my son. We were assured that they would help us to get him home. I already knew that I would be seeing CPS for the third time and was just waiting for the call.
On Tuesday, I called to see if my son was in school. They had pulled him out of class. I was on speaker phone with his counselor, the principal and my son. He stated that my boyfriend beat him and that I had watched and let him. So, he was performing like an Oscar contender.
This is a lie and I am tired of defending myself and my fiance. My son does not want to be told anything, he wants to be dirty and refuses to bathe, to do chores and schoolwork.
I got the expected call today and I'm just fustrated and so is he. How is it that the state of california has 20% of all of their children in fostercare. We are tired of the abuse from my son and California, as well as from the school district. The article I read gave me hope. I want people in this country to know that children use CPS as a restraint for parents.
Thank you for reading this letter. I'm a bit long winded.